Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
