If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
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I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
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I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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