Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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