Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
