My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
