Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pants are for mortals
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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