I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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