I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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