Who wears a wallet chain?!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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