I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
