chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
