my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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