For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Operation Purity has been aborted
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
