i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
