i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
