She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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