I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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