stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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