On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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