i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
