yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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