and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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