I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
