you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
