I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
