It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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