I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
