I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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