Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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