ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
