Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
