rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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