Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
