Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
