So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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