32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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