Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
