a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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