What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
