she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
