dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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