sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
