Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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