Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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