he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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