cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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