My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
