What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
