i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
