for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
