I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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