Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
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i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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