boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
being pregnant is like rehab
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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