HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
