Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
