I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
