No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did I show you my penis last night?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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