Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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