Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
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I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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